how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
