who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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