Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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