I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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