capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Blood and glitter go together right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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