there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
false alarm. still invincible.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
