I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
