I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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