turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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