Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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