If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
