My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
