A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
