I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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