I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
