I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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