I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
