Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
