There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize