HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
