He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
