So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
