Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
