nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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