Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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