wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
