I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
