yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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