capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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