I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Duck Duck Cougar?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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