you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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