i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
