as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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