her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Randomize
