your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
