So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
