I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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