For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
