I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Still dying that you shit outside
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
