my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
