This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
