I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
