I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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