So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
