Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
