you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
