I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
