i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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