with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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