The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
