I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
