Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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