I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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