he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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