Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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