when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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