I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
