when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize