A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
