it wasn't lemon gatorade
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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