i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
