i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
