Plan B is the new Plan A
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
