Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
