I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
