omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
