It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
