If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
