There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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