Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
