Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
