i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
