If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
