I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she smelled like a LAN party
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
try to milk me bitch
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