Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
