Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
