she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
