It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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