office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
